In this little article, I’m going to share with you, the reader, my tips and tricks for acing the SAT. I used these methods when I took the SAT, and I scored a 100. As we all know, 100 is an A+, so it obviously worked.
- Don’t study beforehand. Studying tires out your brain and puts unnecessary wear on your neurons, and you want your brain to be rested and your neurons to be sharp when you take the test.
- When you get to the Calculator Math section, don’t use a calculator. Your proctor will see this and tell the people grading the test, and they’ll give you extra credit for it.
- If you intend to major in any field related to art, don’t just fill in the numbered bubbles. Turn them into little doodles: they make great pig snouts, airships, and footballs. Doing this will boost your score on the Writing section, which will help you get into art school better than doing well on the Math section.
- If possible, take the test while standing on your head. When you stand on your head, more blood flows to your brain, and it’s a scientific fact that the more blood your brain has, the better it can think (citation needed). Also, leave the test right side up. Looking at it upside down will stimulate your brain better than any long hours of study (see tip 1).
- Finally, and the tip I forgot to use: drink lots of alcoholic beverages shortly before you leave to take the test. I have never drunk large amounts of alcohol, but I know people who have, and they all say that it makes you feel happy. The test is long and hard, and you want to be feeling as good as possible going into it.
There you have it, folks: Karl Bickerstaff’s tips and tricks for a perfect score on the SAT. Next time around, we’ll be discussing the best methods for getting a pilot’s license, so stay tuned!
Karl Bickerstaff
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